sobota, 26 września 2009

European Day of Languages


What the picture story tells about happens to linguists all the time. People don't know what being linguist means, what linguists do. They believe linguists are polyglots - people who speak many languages. That's why once they realize you hardly speak any foreign language and you're linguist they assume you have to be very bad at your job. When they're referring to people who speak many languages they speak about them as professional in languages. It's wrong of course, if not then the chief of my institute should be replaced by a guide-guy from the boat from Brugge who has spoken five or six languages, if I'm recalling it correctly. The fact that he spoke them doesn't mean he knew anything about any of them nor about language in general. Think how much you know about your language. Is it synthetic or analytic language? Agglutinative or fusional? Flectional or isolating? What consequences does it all bring?

Linguist is not someone who speak many languages (polyglot) but someone who have knowledge and skills to be able to analyze any language. It's someone who investigates languages and discovers and explains its complexity, not someone who would memorize lexicon and grammar rules. Moreover, he's supposed to be incomparably better than native speaker, not in using language but in explaining issues related to it. Why one makes errors or a scene instead of doing it? Why one makes notes but does research? What is the difference between expression from time to time and every now and then. Answering this kind of questions - that's what linguists are for. That's what linguists should be capable of.

Sometimes one of us has been asking the others which verb some noun selects while appearing in a sentence. There was no time for making analyzes of course but I was giving answer sometimes based on my linguistics intuition. It wasn't taken very seriously since I was the guy who speaks English badly but sometimes Channel (English native speaker) came to the office and confirmed my answer was the right one. I was satisfied with myself then. However, she was not able to explain why the selection goes the way it goes. No wonder, why would she? That's what linguists are for. When they meet language that they hardly speak or don't speak at all it takes some time and effort to answer this sort of questions but it's only a matter of time to give those answers.

One may wonder why I hardly speak any other language but Polish even though I'm linguist, especially that it's obviously much easier for linguists to learn foreign languages. What can I say? Memorizing stuff is not my thing since I'm dyslectic. Besides, how boring it is to memorize words and grammar rules? I'm too lazy for that. There are so many much more fascinating things to do. Analyzing things is one of them. It trains the mind too since you really have to use it conducting analyzes. Maybe if I had money I would force myself to learn languages by taking some language classes but I've never could afford it. And my first and practically the last contact with English was in high school. There is no comparison to people like Agnes, who attended college where English was lecture language, or Kathrin, who studied in Australia. I didn't feel bad though. I believe others did. I thought first it would affect my job performance but I found out very quickly it didn't. Did you ever hear Dalai Lama? His lexicon is extremely limited for someone who speaks English on daily basis for many years and it's not even that he makes grammar errors but he simply skips half of the verbs and still can be understood easily by others. Other example, Czesław Miłosz spent many years in USA but I was shocked by his terrible Slavic pronunciation while speaking English when I could hear him once. Does anyone care? But strangely they care when one of theirs colleagues' English is not fluent.

People reacted funny way on me speaking English. They were talking all the time about my low self-esteem. They were trying to convince me for some reason that I underestimate myself (my language skills included) but at the same time they were making jokes about badly speaking people. Is it really supposed to make fat people laugh to hear jokes on fat people? Maybe once or twice, or for a week or two weeks but for a few months every day? I believe everything stops being amusing when occurs too often. People were also assuring me my language skills were not so bad and wondering at the same time why someone whose English was very bad in their opinion (but still much better than mine in my opinion) can work in there.

Jan was especially funny on that matter. When he was trying to convince me that my English was not so bad, he was saying things like: We had already trainees who spoke even worse than you. What is the problem with simply saying: OK, I admit your English is not perfect but it's not really a problem, is it? I remember also less funny, quite unpleasant actually, situations... In Poland I never say: I know better, I'm specialist in the area. However, it was too difficult explaining things and deliberating on them in English so being in Brussels I was sometimes saying things like: You can trust me on that one, I'm linguist. This kind of self-confidence was apparently making those people upset. Once someone told me as answer: Yeah, you are a linguist and you can't even... and made a pause. It was funny with those people, they needed only a little push to express what they really think. But if they were saying something else than they were really thinking the question is why were they doing it? Where does that need to making other people blind come from? Why to make them feel good about themselves even though they have no reason too. I've never fully understand that. Maybe they believed saying the truth would make those people miserable and they couldn't stand being someone miserable. Or maybe they were afraid that by saying the truth they will look miserable since they will present their self-confidence. And that's something one is not supposed to do as I've written already few entries below. The motto: United in uniformity, stays in motion.

I don't blame those people. They don't need to know what linguist is. They also may trying to comfort other people even if there is no need to and even if it's faked if that's their wish. However, taking someone as incompetent because of their own lack of knowledge is ignorance, isn't it? I can be taken as incompetent because of my incompetence but I don't want to be taken as such because of their incompetence. And that's why that matter catches my attention at first place. The problem is others' beliefs about you affect your life. They think badly about you they will give bad opinion on you. I don't care what other people think about me however without good opinion you will not get good job or any job at all and you're fucked up. Hilarious, isn't it?

wtorek, 22 września 2009

The reasons for having no liking for Poland - Visit in the Royal Greenhouse

I'm not big fan of Poland. I don't like the country for many reasons and I'm always frank about that. This matter occurred quite often in our conversations and usually met great deal of people's disapproval. Poles took it personally and other people were trying to act as defenders, which is psychologically understandable. They were annoyed with me, not complaining maybe but having nothing good to say abut the country, and I, on the other hand, was tired of them trying to keep my mouth shout. Much has changed after our visit in the Royal Greenhouse...

We were lucky to have traineeship in summer term. The Royal Greenhouse is open for visitors for only one month every year (april/may) . It's huge, like a labyrinth. Visiting it was very pleasing experience. I recommend it to everyone. You can watch some photos here. I picked up a guy there. We decide he would be perfect for Kata. We were following him, taking pictures of him and having fun with the whole thing. Finally I approached him and gave him Kata's phone number. He had troubles understanding me and unfortunately I don't speak French at all. I believe he got the idea what it was all about but he has never made use of that number. Maybe it would be otherwise if I had opportunity to show her to him, to introduce them to each other. So, that was one of our unfortunate matchmaking attempt, which I was writing about two entries below, that ended as failure.

After visiting the Royal Greenhouse, on our way back, we stopped by sleazy bar. I don't know why but it was fun, I recall it with pleasure feelings following. And we had significant conversation there. I was attacked again for expressing my dislike for Poland and making, according to girls, Marta miserable by that. I decided to do something about that that time. I made my performance and apparently I did it well since it brought desire results. Maybe there was too much emotions in it, it was a little overacted since it didn't only make girls realize I am in no better condition than Marta is (worse even maybe considering she's fine in Poland and I'm not) but also made them embarrassed by my emotions a bit, I believe.

I'm sure it was not pleasurable for other Poles to hear me complaining and I understand other people sympathize with them but it was symptomatic that nobody cared how I could feel. They like Poland I don't and I still have to live there. Anyway, from that time on I reduced mentioning my lack of satisfaction of being Pole and girls were trying to show some patience every time I did. One of crucial moments for us, at least for me.

I liked Kathrin's reactions on someone trying to convince me I should go back to Poland to live there and fight for changes, heedless for the fact I want to live my life other way. Whenever someone said something like that Kathrin acted like wise, older sister taking care of me. She was saying that I should stay and have nice life there, no question about hat. It was warm as hell. :-)

wtorek, 15 września 2009

Copernicus, Chopin, Kieślowski...

When I was in Germany people were trying to convince me Chopin was French. During my stay in Belgium they were doing the same when it comes to Copernicus, claiming he was German. You should know many Poles react very badly to that. We don't have many folks who would be worldwide famous, who would have great contribution to humankind development or to humanity in any other way. That's why when someone tries to deprive us of those few that belong to us, that we can be proud of, we're not very happy with that.

What I liked, on the other hand, was a situation with some Belgian guy. When I told him I come from Poland, surprisingly he didn't mention Lech Wałęsa or John Paul II. Mentioning them makes sick some of us because it makes us realize what I already mentioned above - that we don't have many well known figures and people always mention those two. You know who he mentioned? Krzysztof Kieślowski. Oh, I was very happy with that. Kieślowski was brilliant master indeed. You could have heard of his "Three Colors" or "The Decalogue". Did you watch Tykwer's "Heaven"? It was inspired by Kieślowski's work. Try also his documentary short movies. They're brilliant, however they may to be too hermetic for non-Poles.

People were telling me sometimes they're sure there are some very famous Poles which have some great achievements. However, once I mentioned some of them by name those names didn't say anything to those people. I remember Agnes asked me once about Polish artists. I mentioned Magdalena Abakanowicz and Igor Mitoraj. She didn't know them, didn't recognize the names. And that's it, Abakanowicz, Mitoraj, Kantor, Grotowski... They are very famous, very distinguish, known worldwide but only by people who are into art or theater. It's not like with Bergman or Herzog, or Brecht. Everyone knows them. When you hear the name Picasso or Dali the bell rings immediately.

Maria Skłodowska-Curie discovered two elements, she is the only person to win Nobel Prizes in two sciences. And still, does anyone know her? Those who do, believe she was French and she probably called one of the discovered elements Polon without the reason or maybe to emphasize her French origin.

Aleksander Wolszczan, Polish astronomer, discovered first planets in nonsolar planetary system. Great discover for humankind. Did you ever hear about him? And still, you're certainly familiar with such names as Alfred Nobel, Astrid Lindgren, Johan Gutenberg, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Friedrich Nietzsche, Jan Sebastian Bach, Ludwig van Beethoven...

Hopefully you will at least remember now that Copernicus was Polish. Dick Solomon may help you to memorize that. Do you know this TV show "3Rd Rock from the Sun"? One of two, just next to the "Office", which makes me laugh no matter what.

poniedziałek, 7 września 2009

Our traineeship's motto and anthem

Our motto was: Männer sind Schweine! I believe it was Marta's proposal. It means: men are swine. And when it comes to our anthem you can listen to it below. It was introduced to us by Kathrin.

sobota, 5 września 2009

Matchmaking

Being in Brussels I was looking for a guy for Jan. Not that I would make special effort to achieve my goal. I didn't belong to gay community so I didn't have much opportunity for that but once a chance occurred to me I took advantage of it. My first attempt was with a guy I've in EP who was very much like Jan, Jan's cup of tea (one of Jan's favorite expressions). I introduced him to Jan via (one of Jan's favorites words) e-mail. There was no answer so I contacted the guy. Jan's silence made me convinced they know each other already but I wanted to be sure. He answered, was nice and confirmed what I was thinking. So that was it.

My second attempt was already in Poland. A guy invited me to his friends on Facebook. Very attractive, nice, elegant as Jan, enjoying flowers as Jan, politician. He found Jan attractive, unfortunately I was few months late because he was already out of market. No luck that time either.

Finding a guy for each other was actually one of our favorites and most hated games in Brussels. Each of us, except for me, wanted to find a guy. EP turned out not to be the best environment for that. I mean, there was a lot of interesting guys (even though most of them gay) and there was constant motion on the market however every product turned out to be damaged after some time of using it. I have to admit I was much more successful in matchmaking in Poland. My few attempts in Brussels were failures. Those were funny stories however I will not try to describe it because girls would like to kill me after me doing that. It's better for them not to know. ;-)

piątek, 4 września 2009

Brussels - the city where underground happens to go above ground and trams happen to go under ground

This movie renders my mood since I'm back and reminds me of Brussels very much. Even though these shoots were taken in Paris I could see very similar views every time (at least twice a day) I was taking metro from Laeken, where I used to live, to the center and back. I loved those trips.

czwartek, 3 września 2009

United in uniformity II

As I've written already in few entries I was suffering very much after my comeback. It was bizarre impression. Everything appeared strange and odd. There was some noise in my ears all the time. I was thinking English, didn't recognize people nor surroundings, I didn't see it properly. I was out of the reality, out of the space that surrounded me. I was in the state of permanent stupor.

I've met one of my former students once and differently from other meetings like that this one made impression on me. She was pregnant, her boyfriend accompanied her, she said "hello". I remembered her very well because she reminded me one of my greatest failures as lecturer. I had classes with third year students and lectured the last linguistic subject on their studies. It happened often that giving the final grade I was asking them which seminar they were going to choose: linguistic or literary one. She told me she was hoping to choose linguistic one however she has to reconsider because she felt stupid in the area after our classes. Is there anything worse than causing someone thinking badly about themselves? OK there are students which are not brilliant in specific field and that's OK for them to realize that, it's even desired. But she was one of the students that it would be hard to decide whether she's smart or not. She wasn't active, she made the impression she just didn't make much effort. I was trying to explain it was not my intention to make her thinking like that, to make her miserable but there is not much one can say after hearing this kind of assertion.

I was suffering so much that after meeting her my christian heritage made me to perceive the whole situation in the category of guilt. I made (unintentionally but still) bad thing and now I have to pay for it, I thought. Price seemed to be disproportionately high but if it would make her stop thinking badly about herself, if it undo the harm I've done than it was worth it.

It all makes me thinking about the conception of success and failure. Once I got matured I've never considered success and someone's approval as equivalent. Most of the people appear to regard them as such though. For me our accomplishments are our success, not what others think about them. Most of my successes are things that will stay hidden form others.

Every time I had a group of students that were completely non-talkative I was making a lot of effort to encourage, to provoke them to talk and finally it always happened at the end of the semester that they became more active. When I had similar situation with a particular student it was quite often the case they stopped being active at the beginning of their studies once they were criticized badly way by some unwise and insensitive lecturer. They were just afraid they would be humiliated again in front of the entire group once they make attempt. Every time my classes occurred to be new beginning for such people I felt fulfilled. Or when some students didn't pass the finale at first attempt but got the highest grade on retake... This kind of things I consider success. When my chief tells me I do brilliant job or lazy job with my students it doesn't tell me much about my performance but such things tell a lot. It shows I did good job indeed, I taught students well and made them to assimilate the knowledge effectively. For most of my colleagues this kind of things are completely beyond their interest. What interests them is to look good in front of their superiors. When students don't want to talk, they interrupt class and send them home, or change class into lecture, or make test as punishment... don't feel like making some real effort. And they don't know a thing about their students so there is no way to know if someone makes real progress and so on. What's important to them is what other say.

The attitude described above was present in EP on very large scale. It was astonishing for me. Success there is something fully related to others' opinions, depending on it completely. Others' approval - that's the concept of success. It leads to very strange behaviors and situations. According to that logic if you want to have success there (and it's desired for everyone) it's not enough to do your job well, it's not really important if you do such job. What's important is if others say you do well. So what you have to do is to make them saying that so you could then tell the others that they said you do fine. It's necessary because you are not allowed - the next rule - to say yourself you're good at something, it would be unacceptable. It would make other people upset or even angry. So to accomplish your goal you have to use various techniques to manipulate them, to provoke them to express positive assessment on your work. The simplest one is talking a lot about it, showing the results often and asking for feedback all the time, even if it's unnecessary and not useful. Normally feedbacks' function is allowing you to improve yourself, not in that case.

That's mostly it. One more thing maybe... It's not only that you're not allowed to express you being good in some fields, it's not acceptable to pointing out your flaws either. You're supposed to be ordinary and provoke others to talk about you as someone extraordinary.

Short review:

1) You are obliged to build your legend.
2) You are not allowed to say by yourself that you're good at something. Making any assessments about your own work based on results of it is not acceptable.
3) You are not allowed to talk about your flaws either.
4) You may and you're supposed to repeat after others that you're good at something.
5) In case to make them express positive review of your work you have to master techniques of manipulating and provoking them to do that.

Success is someone's approval. What can I say? I don't very much care and find it pathetic and dangerously deceptive. The sad thing is if you want to win anything you have to play those cards. That's how it usually works.

środa, 2 września 2009

Misconceptions about prejudices

I found the book of Jeff Marano in the Centre of Contemporary Art's bookshop in September last year. I don't consider his photos something special but the bodies he takes pictures of are worth to take a look at. There is nothing more beautiful than human body.

They had exhibition "Flowers of our Lives" that was focused on the collecting things issue. There was installation of Turkish artist, Kutlug Ataman, titled "Stefan's Room". It was actually documentary movie with four extra screenplays around the viewer. It was telling a story of young German guy who was collecting butterflies and had over 30.000 of them. Gay motive was of course unavoidable. Czech and gay motives were persecuting me. It was very good, simple story but covered number of topics. Ataman makes also future films but they're nothing special.


I wasn't oriented on Turkish matters without a reason. After Hana left us for good, Deniz moved in for less than two weeks. The greatest young mind in Turkey. Can you imagine? He had scholarship for the best student in the entire Turky. Meeting him was very salutary experience for me. He was attractive, social, real fine young man. However, I was afraid he will reject me once he'll find out I'm gay. You know, we are fed with those convictions that Muslims has no understanding for gay issue. What can I say? Deniz definitely wasn't lacking in that kind of understanding.

But once occurred even more surprising situation considering the reception of gay people by Muslims. We went the whole group to Dawid. We dropped by a shop before paying him a visit. Young, beautiful (not handsome, just beautiful), Muslim judging by his features guy was cashier in there. Girls were buying and paying and I was admiring him, staring open-mouthed at him. What did he do? He didn't express his possible displeasure caused by my affection, disapproval or embarrassment which would be definitely the case in Polish shop. He smiled at me warmly. Oh, I was ecstatic. Agnes even noticed his smile.

My stay in Brussels definitely caused me not to perceive Muslims from the angle of their religion. My prejudices about their prejudices vanished.

The shop clerk situation was not the only one involving me staring at someone insistently that was completely new to me. When we went with Marta to Antwerp and I cast a glance at a guy which I do constantly that particular one paid back my look. It was full of admiration, very flirty. He was too old for my taste but it was astonishing and somehow pleasurable. I'm not used to it. In Poland admire handsome guys is always one-way relation. One of many differences between Belgium and Poland, between my wonderful life there and my miserable existence here.

poniedziałek, 31 sierpnia 2009

niedziela, 30 sierpnia 2009

Au Pont Saint Martin

We went to that restaurant during our stay in Strasbourg. With my persuasion we choose Pont Saint Martin. When I go somewhere I want to try everything the place has to offer. If not what is the point of making afford of going there at first place? When I noticed that restaurant I was very insisting of eating there, just over the water. I've ordered snails. I tasted them for the first time in my life. If tasting snails, then only in France. The meet has been too tough for my taste but tasted well.


The pleasure of going there was doubled by Kata's MEP eating there at the same time we went there. Kata was trainee in her office once and was crazy about her since then. She could meet her there not maybe thanks to me but because of me. I was happy because of her happiness. And I gave myself credit for that.

Once you go to Strasbourg visit the restaurant. Andras, you told me you've never been in Strasburg. Take Jaana and go there once, guys. I have to warn you though that being there one can fell like trapped in zoo cage since many tourists make photos of the building because of its scenic beauty.

czwartek, 27 sierpnia 2009

The day I bought my hemba

I didn't brought any CDs, I brought, however, small African sculpture, hemba statue. Purchase of it has its beginning during my trip to Paris. I bought a small hemba in Louvre, as a souvenir from my journey to Paris. You can see it on the photo below, among other items every of each symbolizes one of us, EP Library trainees 2008.


It's quite popular artifact. You'll find at least few of them in every single African shop in Brussels. In the biggest shops there are really many of them, very diverse. It's amazing, some of them seem to be inspired by a work of western artists from the XX century. I found one which enthralled me completely. Proportions of it were unusual. Normally hembas are slim and this one was short with big belly. What made me fall in love with it was however something else, its lips. They're enormously large. Usually hembas have mouth hardly outlined mouth. This one is really unique.

It cost 150 euros. Normally I wouldn't think of buying so expensive item only to fulfill my esthetic needs, only for a pleasure. But it happened that summer sale took place that week and every item in that shop was selling with 50% discount. It was great opportunity, especially that I could effort expense of 70 euros. On the other hand my departure was approaching and every cent was important to me. I had a tough nut to crack...

I had no idea how I would manage to take to the plane but I finally bought it. I remember asking Agnes for advice. She was amazing. If you ask her for an advice you can be sure she will consider the issue carefully and will give balanced opinion. At first she was skeptical. She thought it's not good idea to buy African artifacts in Belgium, she believed one should buy them when going to Africa. However, when Marta and I convicted her that Brussels is not only the capital city of Belgium and Europe but it may also be easily considered as capital city of Africa in Europe, she took my dilemma into consideration and she gave me the answer that fully satisfied me. ;-) Not all of my doubts were gone but it's always better to regret eventually things that we did than the ones that we abandoned to do.

My hemba is covered with African dust, I've never cleared it out. It has spider web between legs and his privates, and he has some holes made by woodworm. Its color is different than the photos show, it's dark brown. It smelled very intensively for a long time. I liked to think it was a smell of Africa. I packed him with wrap and towels on it to avoid any damage during the flight. Every time I was drying myself with those towels later I could smell it very clearly. I enjoyed that sensation very much.




So here we are - me and my hemba, both homeless. It's not smart move to have children when you are homeless. And buoying art objects once you have no place to expose them is profanation of art.

I recall that day, the day of buying my hemba, with all the details. That day I saw Jaana for the last time. We went to the park. She was talkative, full of warmness but at that point I was not able to feel fine anymore. It was very close to departure. I knew I won't see Jan anymore and it disturbed me. I was angry, agitated. I asked a waiter for Pepsi with ice and he brought me one with no ice. I asked him to take it back. I never do such things. Usually I make remark that it's not what I ordered so he would know he doesn't do his job well but I take what he prepared since I don't feel comfortable causing other people troubles.

There was a time I regretted I didn't buy also Tibetan dorje (vajra). There was a shop in Brussels where one can buy the authentic one. It cost about 200 euros so there was no way for me to buy it but still I felt uncomfortable not having it. It made my heart beating faster every time I saw it. It was the first time in my life I could see such artifact. My regret is gone now thanks to friend of mine, Rafael. He employed quite effective therapy on that subject. He made me realize that bringing item like that to Europe probably cost lives or wellbeing of some Tibetans. That's likely and it made me not to want it anymore. But it also made me wonder if my hemba didn't come do Europe by burning some Congo village to the ground...

I bought imitation of dorje when I went with Marta to Antwerp. I never make photos, I always bring souvenirs from my trips.

środa, 26 sierpnia 2009

Brussels by Night with a cup of neuhaus chocolate

I tried to cheer myself up every now and then with a cup of neuhaus chocolate which I brought from Belgium. I enjoyed everything that brought me closer to Brussels. I had no intention to cut my addiction off even though it was, as every dependency, destroying for myself. Keeping contact with people I've met there was however too harmful, I hadn't enough strength to do it. I was making attempt every time I felt stronger, I felt being ready but eventually those attempts made me always much more depressed so I avoided it. Besides girls didn't experience difficulties as myself and even though they stopped writing eventually too. Humans.

I've finally find the courage to watch "Brussels by Night" that I bought in BOZAR Shop. Great movie and fortunately not very much about Brussels. As I could find out later by watching the interview with the director, the title was coincidental.



The movie that made much greater impression on me was "In the City of Sylvia" by José Luis Guerín. The city mentioned in the title is Strasbourg. Very poetic movie, almost like a fairytale. It hardly might be called masterpiece but in my subjective reception it was absolutely brilliant. It's absolute affirmation of life. It's also real pearl for photo lovers. If you like Strasbourg you have to watch it. Oh, it was great discover! What main character does is also my prime activity, except for drawing. I'm also fascinated with people and cities. Observing them and taking pleasure from it is one of my most basic reasons to live.



The movie should be watched in cinema. I'm convinced it has much more impact when showing on big screen. In case you'll encounter difficulties getting it, let me know, I would gladly share.

It's interesting clash because the other movie from that period that became embedded in my memory tells about stagnation and resignation rather than joyfulness of life. However it ends with bright spark too. It's titled "The Visitor" and was directed by Thomas McCarthy. In case you're convinced American can not do good movies, you should watch it. I'm quite sure you'll change your mind. It proofs good American cinema didn't finish at eighties.



I perceive the main character as counterpart of mine. Academic teacher in stagnation still open however to discover new aspects of life and meet new people, very different from himself. It moved me strongly however I wasn't convinced with the final, I didn't believe it. Maybe because I just don't see the right place for myself, I didn't discover the right path in my own life yet. I would gladly get to know your opinion.

Thanks to "The Visitor" I discovered the music of Fela Kuti, great African musician.



African music is everywhere in Brussels. I regret I didn't buy any CDs. One of very few things I regret.

wtorek, 25 sierpnia 2009

Dalai Lama in European Parliament

Dalai Lama visited European Parliament on 04-th of December 2008.







I like the speech very much because His Holiness was talking about values that Jan believes in.

The first axiom - everyone wants happy life and has right to achieve happiness. I'm not sure I share this belief. I mean I have other priorities. Jan, however, is seeking for happy life very persistently even if not always effectually. I'm afraid it may happen he'll never reach his goal. But considering the circumstances I can not do much to get it closer to him.

The second axiom that His Holiness and Jan share - inner values which are necessary base for achieving peace of mind which leads to happiness do not necessary have source in religion.

I'm glad His Holiness pointed out those two. I wonder if Jan is aware of it. Maybe it would please him a bit.

poniedziałek, 24 sierpnia 2009

Swedish, Silesian, Czech, Hungarian, Australian, Finish... everywhere around

I was watching a lot of Czech movies when I came back. As I've said, I had desire for everything that has anything to do with Czech Republic. When there was railway catastrophe of Polish train in Czech I had impression I caused it by too much thinking about that country, too much negative thinking as well. The movie I recommend you especially is not Czech however, it's Danish, although it's about Czech Republic, about Prague (and it's called "Prague", directed by Ole Christian Madsen). Jan comes from Prague. It contains gay motive as well which makes it even more connected to Jan. But I don't recommend it because of that connection. I do because it's quite good, interesting movie. It's about everlasting love that has pity consequences for others, that hurts people involved. It's about death of old love and birth of a new one, about loneliness, finding way leading to others, finding the purpose, trying to understand ourselves, seeking for a goal... Subjects old but still fresh and pleasing if shown in interesting way. But it's also about beautiful city which is contaminated with postcommunist heritage and full of customs that have to seem very exotic for outsiders.

Czech and Scandinavian cinematography is well known for its quality but both are very different. It's interesting to see mix of those differences. And I want to warn you not to watch the trailer. It's very misleading, it announce the romantic story which the movie is not at all.


I watched another Czech movie few days ago - "The Country Teacher" by Bohdan Sláma. I'm not sure how comprehensible it may be for western Europeans but for me, as eastern one, it's very true, very close to life. That's something rare in the cinema and ironically that's something that cinema is all about - to portrait life possibly accurately even if it contains poetic scenes like the one on the balcony which is, by the way, ended with very interesting from formal point of view transition to the next one.


The movie brought Hana on my mind, surprisingly Jan less. What unvaryingly reminds me of him is Tibet and Tibetan issues. I will explain one day why.

I remember the things related to Tibetan issue occurred with great intensity at that time because of Olympic Games taking place in Peking then. Review of Buddhist movies, the Dalai Lama visit in European Parliament and so on. I made use of Tibetan wallpaper and I didn't take it off of my computer so far. It brings Jan on my mind not less than any Czech matter.


I've got also another wallpaper for you:


The European Parliament is in the left upper corner.

Suddenly I started noticed everywhere not only Tibetan and Czech matters but also the ones related to Hungary, Sweden, Finland, Silesia (the region where Marta comes from), Australia which Kathrin is more crazy about than me about Germany and that's why I associate Australia with Kathrin much more than her homeland, Germany.

It's utill today like that, less intensive but still. Connections all around. I watched for the nth time "Star Trek First Contact" few days ago. Let me show you fragment of it. Girls will understand what it is all about. ;-)



As I said, I encounter those associations everywhere. Those are small things sometimes. Like expression hearing somewhere which meaning Kathrin explained me once. The whole situation is recalling then... One asks themselves in situation like that – Do those things occur to me more frequently or frequency didn't change but my attitude did and I notice them more easily.

What was interesting there were moments that I started to miss my German friends, the ones I've met 6 years ago, even more than the Belgian ones. Especially Birgit, my wonderful, wise Birgit who taught me so much. The rules of love influence your memory. When you experience strong feelings to group of people you develop feelings to the others as well. Old true, isn't it?

Live long and prosper!

niedziela, 23 sierpnia 2009

The Centre of Contemporary Art

The only thing that helped me to survive here was new museum. It was opened for the first time when I was in Brussels. I went there for Czech movie evening the first day I came back. I had desire for everything that had anything to do with Czech Republic at that time. I was afraid of meeting there some of my friends. I knew it was more than I could take. But my desire showed up to be stronger than my fears. I've met them indeed but fortunately managed that. That's me, great actor when it comes to situation like that. It's not even that I have to play someone being in great mood. The mask sticks to my face itself. In spite of everything what I was feeling at that time smile came out on my face. I didn't need to attempt even, it occurred without control, against my intentions actually. Besides I was of course happy to see them. And I was happy when I could go home alone.

sobota, 22 sierpnia 2009

Cultural desert

Cultural desert. That's what my city seemed to be for me after my arrival. And you should know it's considered as very cultural by Poles. Oh, it was hard too. I came back from place when even on holidays one could visit more than 20 exhibitions or one of four movie theaters showing noncommercial artistic movies. The next day after my arrival I learnt that the only movie theater playing such movies in Toruń was closed down two days earlier.

No interesting, beautiful people, no movies nor cultural life in general, no recreation. Do you see any reason to keep living here?

I was keeping trace of cultural events in Brussels. I still do! Klarafestival was (and is) coming at the end of August. Last year Il Giardino Armonico had its concert on that festival. I love them, I've never had opportunity to listen to their music live.



The concert of Ornette Coleman was announced to take place in October. I wanted to get to know about it one of my friends who is big fun of him but I've never done it. I was so out of live. That friend of mine couldn't probably go for the concert anyway since it would be too big expense but if he stayed at my friends and found some cheap flight maybe he would. I'll never know. It doesn't matter now. What matters I couldn't let the past go and I still can't.

Keith Jarrett will give a concert this year. He's also jazz of international renown musician but I have CD with his performance of Bach's sonatas for viola da gamba and cembalo.

piątek, 21 sierpnia 2009

United in diversity vs. United in uniformity

What I miss more, however, is not comfortable, fine life, it's diversity. All people here are similar, uninteresting, ugly, ordinary, united in uniformity. In Belgium even homeless people hide some interesting stories. At least yhey look like they would. At every corner you can meet African people wearing their ethnical dresses, orthodox Jews or Muslims praying on that grass that I mentioned in my last entry. Can you imagine the situation that someone approaches you to ask what time it is and precedes the question by the other one - Do you speak polish? It happed to me once. Belgium women asked if I speak French. Diversity is a norm there. And regrettably it's exception in Poland.










czwartek, 20 sierpnia 2009

Grassy grass vs. Polish grass

It's quite difficult to express why being back is so bad. The symbol which may illustrate pretty accurately the difference between living there and here is... grass. Yes, grass. And I don't mean marihuana by that. However access to the last one is also much easier in Belgium than it is in Poland.

I loved to go to Parc de Bruxelles (the one in the center) and lying on the grass in the sun. The grass was green, soft, thick and clean. Like a carpet. You really didn't need any blanket to lay on it. You will not find place like that in Poland even though we've got places which are supposed to be lawns. Usually there is no grass there, some remains of it only, which are brown, burned, full of dirt and weeds, very unpleasant and ugly. That's it. Things which could be nice and handy are not like that in Poland. Things which are supposed to be pleasant aren't like that either.

We don't have parks similar to Belgian parks. The ones we have don't look like the Belgian ones, maybe except for Łazienki Królewskie in Warsaw. One exception then, and still, I'm not sure what is the quality of the grass in there. They are dark, ugly, untended. People are rather afraid of going there since it's full of hooligans instead of being full of life, people playing, having fun and so on which is standard in Brussels.

Sad country with sad people. Not suitable for someone who prefer being cheerful.


wtorek, 18 sierpnia 2009

Small phenomena

Small phenomena that Jaana shared with me. She was trying to reach higher level. She was reading, she was watching, she was listening to, trying to understand things, making afford to meet others.

poniedziałek, 17 sierpnia 2009

Question

Polish media make so big deal of Madonna performing for the first time in Poland. Explain me, please, why they don't care about Orchestre des Champs Elysees conducted by Philippe Herreweghe performing for the first time too.

sobota, 15 sierpnia 2009

First contact

In case you would like to participate in contacting an alien species possibly living on the planet Gliese 581 d, you can leave your message on this site. It will be sent to them. The estimated time of arrival is however 20 years.

Mine goes as follows:
I am Sebastian Deka, a human from the planet Earth. My people are not only peaceful. We learn and evolve though. We are curious and willing to meet new species.

piątek, 14 sierpnia 2009

Jaana

As written in previous entry I gave one of Rothko's reproduction poster to Jaana. The artist turned out to be one of her favorites. And she gave me once postcard presenting Klee's reproduction. She did it not knowing that he was my favorite one. Isn't it special?


Jaana. She wasn't in my team. She was in Kathrin's one – foreign affairs. She has sent me an invitation on Facebook once. I accepted, sent some short message. She replied with an e-mail, asked for having coffee together and it went by, it didn't go by smoothly though. I had my reservations. You know, she was an official... Besides it was already time when I generally was troubled with establishing relationships there, didn't want any. I was rather avoiding people, wanted to be left alone, became very unsocial those days. I had to deal with my problems (really serious ones) and couldn't manage someone who seemed to be disturbed themselves.

She was persistent though. She wasn't stopping to invite me to meet and assuring of her good will. We've met few times and I finally gave up and agreed to pay a visit at her place. It was impressing and overwhelming. I experienced many situations for the first time being in Brussels. It was one of it. I believe I have been never before in flat as huge as Jaana's. I remember I felt kind of awkward, uncomfortable, like being in place which I don't belong to. But on the other hand I felt welcomed and was interested in the place, willing to discover it, to accustom to it. Jaana was lovely, she was calling one of her rooms as mine, she wanted me to stay at her place after finishing my traineeship. The visit brought the poster of "Besieged" by Bertolucci on my mind. Those stairs... like in Jaana's place. Her flat was like having four floors...



The thing that made making friends particularly difficult in that environment was time, short time. I got used to have plenty of time so it was new experience for me to make friends in few meetings. But that's how the life looks like there.

I will definitely think of Jaana as my friend for the rest of my life. Even though it's very likely we won't meet ever again (which may seem to be contradictory). She wanted me to live at her place, she wanted me to visit her in Finland. But it was clear to me it won't happen. I'm poor polish guy. I don't have money to for trips like that. I went abroad twice and in both cases EU paid for it. It was the only possibility for me to make such journeys, to experience this kind of adventures. I couldn't even invite her to Poland since it cost too much to have guests, much too much for people like me. And you know, I didn't send letters since I came back depressed. Neither did her since she was busy. Then she's got some troubles herself... It made me worried...

It's difficult to make friends on distance and it's even more difficult with those people. Many of them don't even bother to try since they know that people they meet will probably be gone soon. Jan explained me once his attitude on this matter and I would call it consumerist one. Let's get together, let's have some fun but not get deeper. Getting involved would be waste of time and emotions. Commitments seem to be waste of sources, some kind of luxury to them. I can understand their point of view. It may be seen as pointless to make friends with people one doesn't intend to stay in touch with. And it's not possible to stay in touch since one is short timed. However, this line of thought leads to become lonely and unhappy eventually which is wrong too. Life can not be based only on temporarily things, human beings requires permanent basis to achieve psychological balance. They want people and at the same time they don't allow them to grow closer. The second contradiction in this entry. Let mi finish with it.

I bought book about Toruń for Jaana (as an invitation) but I've never send it.

What I've written here seems to be so meaningless. Even meaningful things become like that on paper (unless one is a writer of course). Besides it's difficult to write about something which you are not allowed to reveal really. I don't have problem with making everything public but that's me.

czwartek, 13 sierpnia 2009

EU officials' art reception

Exhibition catalogue was not my only purchase from Strasbourg. I've bought also Mark Rothko's Taschen portfolio (collection of posters), Jimmy Paulette Taboo! In the bathroom by Nan Goldin on a postcard and an extra postcard for Jan.

I gave one of Rothko's reproductions to Jaana and placed other one in our office. I wonder if it's still there.


I have to admit I had hard time to give away the postcard that I bought for Jan. It was exceptional, really beautiful. I don't remember anymore what it showed exactly (some male nude) but I remember it was stunning. I regret now I gave it to him. Not that I'm so selfish and I would prefer to keep it for myself. It's just that giving it seems now to be profanation of art. He didn't mention it which indicates he probably didn't appreciate the artistic value of it. He was apparently not prepared to get it. Offering objects of art to the people who are not capable of or willing to appreciate it is always a great sin to me. And people who admire art are responsible for recognizing if someone has the sensibility to art. Isn't it like that? My fault then.

I bought also a postcard for myself as I already mentioned. I was bewitched by it. It was not only impressing but it was showing me. You see?

Nan Goldin Jimmy Paulette Taboo! In the bathroom (N.Y.C. 1991)

So feminine, so open, courageous, almost obstreperous, and having some desire (not necessarily sexual) for attractive guys. I placed it over my desk and ask my colleagues if they recognized me on that photo. No one did. Maybe I'm wrong but I believe most of my Polish friends would do, without any hesitation. It was funny when I asked Jan because he approached that photo to give it closer look. He apparently thought I meant it was really me, literally. ;-) Raphaelle was the only one who understood the idea of the guy on the photo being my counterpart. I liked it very much. French people, they have sensibility to art in their blood. :-) Generally that whole experience made me realized the distance between those people there and me, all the differences – of aspirations, needs, values... You know what Rothko once said when he was asked to decorate one of New York fancy restaurants with his paintings?


I don't think it's so simple, it's only about money but it's like that. However, I don't want you to keep impression that all people there are insensible to art, that they are some kind of savages when it comes to higher needs. It's not like that. But the general tendency exists and it would be hard to deny. Still, I've met there few people that were very open on art. Jaana for example was extremely sensible of art, she was simply made of various ideas, art ideas included. Agnes had some education in that area since her father was professional art critic. And Marta was an amateur artist herself, she painted beautiful scenes. Somehow I was still alone with all my artistic raptures. Fortunately I was not alone with my admiration to humane beauty, male beauty being more specific. ;-)

By the way, I had the pleasure to meet Michał vel. Czapel, polish guy (very important official) whose one of responsibilities was art in EP, art objects there. He told me some funny stories about receiving and and refusing art objects. Contrary to what he claimed that he didn't have much idea about the art I believe he was the right man for the job considering the selection and arrangement of art objects in EP is hardly disputable in my opinion. Go there, check yourself and let me know about your opinion. :-)

środa, 12 sierpnia 2009

Buying bright side of life

I bought Burkhard's exhibition catalogue. Buying it I was really enjoying my Belgian life. I have been earning there more than 1000 euros per month and the catalogue cost 36 euros, I didn't even notice that expense. In Poland, on the other hand, even though I have also earned 1000 per month (polish currency of course so it was about 250 euros) I couldn't afford even to go to any exhibition since the journey itself was too expensive, not mentioning buying a catalogue once I would go there. Buying it would cost me more than 100zł which was 10% of my monthly income which I have spent entirely on the most basic needs in two weeks and tried to survive somehow for the rest of the month… Oh yes, my life in Belgium was fine.

It was one of the most severe daily difficulties when I came back - everything seemed to be unbearable expensive, some things cost even five times more than it used to in Belgium, like my favorites as chips or kinder snacks! I realized I need to learn again how to make groceries. I was spending too much money on it. In Belgium small groceries cost me about 15, big ones 50, in Poland - 50 regular ones and 250 the big ones. It was quite shocking.

I could afford buying actimel being in Belgium, I could afford everything I needed and wanted and was still able to save some money for paying my polish debts back. For God sake, I could go to Paris without saving money, just taking some from one salary. I have never, in my entire life, managed to go to Paris from Poland!

When I want to go to Warsaw and back from where I am now I have to spent 200zł for such a journey, 20% of my monthly income. My budget gets ruined in that case. Being in Belgium I could go to Paris and back with Thalys (!) paying only 25 euros (!) for the trip, which was 2,5% of my monthly income. I could make calls to Poland for 0,50 per minute. In Poland only national calls cost me 0,09 more.

I could normally live for the first time in my life in Belgium and now this life's gone. Don't wonder I'm depressed. When you spent all your money on room and food, when you can not afford anything, when you can not go to dentist, when you use one pair of shoes for seven years – the bright side of life disappears.

wtorek, 11 sierpnia 2009

Notes from the museum

My visit in the museum was marked by photography which was kind of bizarre considering I've never been very much into photography, I definitely prefer other forms of art. However, it's always nice to discover new fascinations, new interests, curiosity for things that we already know. It proofs we are still alive, isn't it?

Apart from permanent collection there were naturally some forms of art other than photos that drew my attention. I've written some titles down but I'm realizing now these titles don't tell me much, don't help to recall the paintings. I should probably start making photos instead of carrying on written archives. On the other hand what is Flickr for? You can find there almost every photo you wish.

Paul-Armand Gette De part et d'autre du fleuve

CESAR Compression (1960)

Arman Homage to Cubism

A.R. Penck I can't recall the tile but I remember the idea of the art object. It was many paintings lying on the floor, leaning against the wall. They were turned to the wall with the face side so visitors couldn't see them, only backs were visible. It provoked quite interesting emotions and reflections involving art recipients' desires, reception of contemporary art, its condition. Quite nice.

Victor Brauner Chimere (1939)

Georges Braque Nature morte

poniedziałek, 10 sierpnia 2009

Some Burkhard's photos

Animals:

Bear, 1996

Elephant, 1996


Human body:

Seville, 2007

Feet, 1980


Cities:

Los Angeles, 1999

Chicago, 1994


Nature:

Rio Negro, 2002




Rio Negro, 2002


Documentary/people:

Cuba, 2005


And this is Helsinki (1999). It brought Jaana on my mind. I really enjoyed it being exposed at the exhibition. Thanks to it I felt connection with her. It felt warm. And cold at the same time given that it's so snowy scenery.



And now compare this photo...

Arm, 1980-82

(...) with Mapplethorpe's one:

Aren't they alike? It's like Mapplethorpe's "Fish on a paper" and Rafael's one which I was writing about two entries below. Similarities. Similarities all around. Isn't this kind of coincidences puzzling? Art is like collection of limited number of elements and makes them fresh and desirable again and again by putting them in new contexts and presenting in new ways. The same schemes, the same ideas, still new and delightful over the centuries. It's fascinating. It proves Volcans has chosen their basic philosophical motto accurately: Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

By the way, I watched "Star Trek - The Original Series" for the first time recently. It took me about twenty years of maturing to get ready to watch it without any aversion, to watch it not only as memento of its times but really enjoy it.

And you know, the Arm presented above... It was remarkable! I liked it very much. It was huge, probably the biggest picture I've ever seen. The entire wall was covered with it and it was really beautiful.

That's it for today. Live long and prosper, my friends (and all trekkies all over the world)!

niedziela, 9 sierpnia 2009

The visit in Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art in Strasbourg

I mentioned my visit in The Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art in Strasbourg two entries below. It was my second visit there and it was outstanding. The first one took place in 2003 during my EVS (European Voluntary Service). I went there with Laia then.

They have great permanent collection that contains few works of my beloved Kandinsky, Miró and Klee among others and both times I went there they were presenting marvelous temporary exhibitions. It's also worth to mention that there are always really handsome, attractive guys among visitors who are worth to look at not less than the pieces of art hanging on the walls. The atmosphere there attracts, as I believe, people who enjoy calmness and peaceful atmosphere. It's very calm there, very silent, never too many visitors. It's nothing like museums in Paris. One can attain very intimate relation with the art thanks to it. I loved that.

There were two temporary exhibitions that draw my attention particularly. The first one was called "Instant anonymes" - the collection of photography from random, ordinary people's albums. It was real treat for someone like me who loves observing people around. The second one's title was "Balthasar Burkhard – Reconnaissances 1969-2007" and it's obviously not hard to guess it was the monography of works of Balthasar Burkhard, the photographer. I felt in love with it.

The three main topics that can be single out when looking on his pictures are: animals, cities & nature, and human body, parts of human bodies, being more precise. He does also some documentaries, kind of tourist photos but focused on people I would say.

He seems to try to excerpt magic from cities and nature. He achieves that by taking pictures special way, from special perspective. Cities are usually photographed from long distances, in large perspective. However, since the format of photos is very large one can also see details if he wishes so. And the nature photos present relatively small pieces of it, like waterfalls, forest glade or so. But Burkhard shows always very special parts of it, the ones that look strange, unusual and he photographs them exceptional way, using long exposition or making use of other tricks. The photos evokes magic, maybe even disturbance in audience, they seem to be out of this world.

Animals are photographed as in anatomy textbooks. I'm sure you saw sometimes the flashes from dog shows on TV. The dogs there assume all those strange poses when they appear in front of jury. Those poses are the most neutral for them, allow them to be shown at their best. But on the other hand they seem to be completely unnatural for animals, we never see them like that. Burkhard does the same thing with all other species. Bears, elephants, ostriches... You name it. Because of the way they are presented on his photos they also seem to come from outer space. They seem to be alien life forms to me. They are like perfect specimens of their species, prototypes.

And human bodies. Perfection and beauty itself. Perfection and beauty indeed. Those qualities of human body can be perceived and appreciated more easily and thoroughly since only parts of body are shown on the pictures. It's like pointing out certain elements of our bodies with aim of making audience admiring them separately, one by one and fully appreciating their beauty. It's like Burkhard would try to avoid any distraction in audience, any superficial in watching what photos presents. He seems to make in order to revel in watching those bodies. That's my guess. I didn't read abut his work yet.

He's defiantly worth to be recommended. With remark, however, that maybe not recommended to people with great temper. But what do I know? Maybe it's not contemplative art at all.

sobota, 8 sierpnia 2009

More photos of Mapplethorpe

Guys:










Flowers:









Females:



Portraits:








Self Portraits:




Something extra for the final:

Friend of mine called Rafael, who does amateur photography, took once a photo quite similar to this one:

I like his works very much in general but I grew a big critic on this one, made a lot of fun of it. It was the essence of pretentiousness and a form deprived of any content to me. That's why I found really cool Mapplethorpe carried out the project based on the same idea some years before Rafael.

You can watch even more of Mapplethorpe's works here. And here you can find Rafael's photos.