Jan's birthday A.D. 2009

It was the most important book because it was meant to be birthday gift for Jan. Didn't matter it was still 10 months to his birthday. I knew if I wouldn't buy it then I never would since my financial situation was supposed to worsen only day by day. And I knew exactly what I wanted to buy for him. The part of my surprise for his previous birthday was flowers. He showed great appreciation of everything I prepared for him then. He said about the flowers: "How did you know I love flowers?". Is there any gay who doesn't? Probably I'm the only one. ;-) He can be so kind sometimes. His appreciation was completely meaningless or exceptionally priceless considering it didn't occur this year. This year he didn't even bother to let me know if he got the gift. That's how those people are, many of them at least, with certain exceptions. Very nice, very kind but only because they believe they are supposed to be like that, because they have to deal with you on regular basis. Once you're gone there is no reason anymore to act like they've ever met you. Everything there is superficial, artificial. You go there with this cliché in your head and you try to find out it's other way, you try it really hard but the cliché comes out to be true. It goes along with the reality pretty well. Anyway, I don't give presents to get someone's appreciation. I give it to show my appreciation for that person existence.

Mapplethorpe's book was very symbolic and complex in its meaningfulnessity choice. As many gays (Jan including, as I've already mentioned, not me) Mapplethorpe loved flowers, it was one of his two favorite topics. The second one was human body which is one of my greatest fascinations. I found pleasing giving Jan something that he likes and I like too but both of us do because of other reasons. All those differences between us which kept us apart and made it impossible for us to go along with each other... There is always a way to get united in spite of them, even threw them, to find some connection. United in diversity.

Mapplethorpe was gay, probably the best gay photograph ever. The other good reason to buy his book. I had the impression Jan is interested in everything that has anything to do with gayness. The next reason - I learnt about this photographer during my traineeship, in Strasbourg. I came across one piece of his work in The Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art in Strasbourg. The photo stays in storage or maybe was lent during my visit. Anyway, it wasn't exhibited. I noticed it in the catalogue and was delighted. I regret now I didn't buy that catalogue. I've never found that photo anywhere else, I haven't managed to find it on the Web. It made such an impression on me. It's called "Dennis Walsh" and was taken in 1977. It shows naked, young, blond man lying on the car. It's marvelous, I loved it and hope to see it again one day, somewhere. I see it every time I close my eyes. Do I desire to meet Jan again more? Guess yourself.